1. |
Uncle Mike
03:36
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2. |
Fifty Fifty Shot
03:20
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James and Cassandra called it quits
the twins are twenty-one months Elizabeth is six
and they both say it's not due to the kids it's due to the kids
and if you still believe in world peace
well then you haven't yet met Dave and Elise
they scream at each other I hate you
just a few months ago they said I do
relationships blossom relationships rot
everyone starts with a fifty fifty shot
should you lawyer up hire the best
if you're a woman I hope you live in the west
things got ugly with Kate and Ben when he took their infant son to his ex-girlfriend's the baby was screaming and so he thought the best
way to soothe him was to let him suckle on her breast
to him it seemed logical she was lactating and his wax a hungry inconsolable baby well the ex was more than happy to oblige Kate was the woman she most despised
everyone starts with a fifty-fifty shot Ben's odds were even but now they're not Ben meant well but dudes are dumb dude don't ever let your ex wet nurse your son
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3. |
La Tele
03:16
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my girl and me we ain't got no tv
she won't allow it she says I'm a slave to it
instead we read and drink our tea
and we act smug no tv for us
occasionally we'll watch tv at Chuck and Ginny's or circuit city
in many conversations we cannot comment
they're about tv about things we never see
in the days of old there was radio
the family would gather around it and listen to the sound of it
and what tv has force fed they'd make up in their heads
it sounds nice to me I'm in the minority
resistance is futile like computers and email
says my good friend my techno junkie friend
but I'm idealistic and totally nostalgic kill your tv it'll set you free
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4. |
The Winter Rains
03:32
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5. |
J
04:34
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I started the day leafing through the paper there were the usual killings births engagements obituaries a story on malfeasance work was forgetful I drove home like that prick that gotta get there quick price and I feel funereal while the kids laugh and play my mom buried her brother today and his laugh was a sardonic chuckle and his wit tinder dry and he had a wood shop he made cool shit and had a spirit DIY Dallas Texas eleven seven twenty fourteen clear skies rolling hills grass manicured and green I wasn't in attendance but that's what they say you're helpless two time zones away my kid sister's wedding was the last time I saw J and we had quite a time my wife got hair extensions just to mark the occasion those Bo Derek braids and some years later that union imploded and some years later J fell ill and his wife Frosty cared for him through those last days of his life
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6. |
Tongue and Groove
03:27
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we're in the throes of the remodel of the guest restroom we painstakingly chose the style of tile and type of tub but not without heated debate oh how I hate to debate with my spouse on maters concerning the house she's got a pricey aesthetic I do the cheapest thing possible she burns whole afternoons researching vanity sconces I do the cheapest thing possible and when I lived in Ecuador we just had a hole in the goddamn floor and the guest restroom worked just fine but she insisted it was dated and I worry she'll never be sated she's a horn dog for improvement porn blogs she's like a fetishist she's always suggesting crazy shit I'm not always OK with it but I try to be game giving and game to fuel the flame that's why I surprised her with hardwood I put it in myself without any help tongue and groove and tongue and groove she was elated but I worry she'll never be sated
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7. |
Steve Rents Amy's Island
03:00
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Steve likes Virginia bourbon Steve drives a cherry red convertible but she won't convert she's perpetually topless and Steve winters where Steve chooses to winter and Steve summers at his plush place on the lake Steve used to rough it on Amy's island way way way way back in the day and Steve married a southern belle who suffered through several summers of hell stuck on Amy's island way way way way back in the day and said southern belle pushed for the plush place she wanted plumbing and electricity she's still got her old chamber pot yeah but now she just uses for decor and he just rents it out now Steve rents Amy's Island he just rents it out now and sometimes when Steve gets wistful for bygone days he'll yank on the johnson until it comes to life and he'll sputter out to Amy's island where he'll sit on the granite and watch the moon rise with a whiskey and something to smoke same as he did on her island way way way way back in the day Steve used to rough it on Amy's island
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8. |
Monica Lewinsky
03:57
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Monica Lewinsky you wanna lay low with me I can keep you hid here in Spokane Monica Lewinsky you wanna lay low with me I will role play your strongman I will play your president your dictator your governator I'll keep prying eyes from you and I'll buy you fifty shades of blue you will play my concubine my cinderella the occasional fella tabloid also rans wallpaper checkout stands and there you were above the jerky and the weight loss bars between emaciated stars looking like a caught escapee and where does the time go your tryst was twenty years ago and now you're bearing down on barren years and I can see why you would absolutely not want to bring a kid into a world of cruelty but we could still start a brood and live off of our own food and keep the kids away from the checkout and the high power magazines that shoot their mama and plenty say that you deserve it and those that do deserve to be trapped in the corner of an oval room Monica Lewinsky you can't erase history but you can write your future in Spokane Monica Lewinsky I'm down here on one knee everyone deserves a second chance and I think you could love a damaged man if anyone can love me you can
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9. |
Vietnam
04:32
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my time had come to go and I wanted to know what went on on the outside so I enlisted for a tour in Ecuador I wish I'd studied Spanish more I deplaned with a grin short on oxygen and a family took me in I picked up broken Spanish splayed out in their hammock from dubbed dialogue Pam Anderson's boss played by Hasselhoff taught me how to talk and I got confident I walked with a certain bent and I made friends excellent and we bused it to the coast and we danced salsa stoned in Esmeraldas Mills enlisted so his time came to go it was Ontario or go he crossed his first state line toe tapped to the time of his kick drum heart and he landed in Chu Lai where he was assigned to Suicide Mike welcome overseas here's an M-16 be all that you can be military glamour throwing down the hammer let's fuck some shit up the smell of fear and sweat I don't want to die yet I'm as scared as scared can get and a kill in Vietnam makes a single mom so if you see my boy let him know he taught me love he taught me what is love well would you tell him he is loved
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10. |
The Biking Family
03:18
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I know this guy he sold his automobile and now he bikes everywhere his daughter sits on the back and reads a book on the way to school it's pretty cool and his wife rides beside them he pulls a dog in a trailer and I'd be at spinning class hauling ass and they' pass by the window and my ex used to say find more time for your boy and for me I get my boy all day Sunday and Monday morning I drop him at school and he used to ride in the back playing apps tap tap tap on that app and we'd pull up to the stoplight alongside the biking family and eighty-nine percent of wehat we had we did not need and eighty-nine percent of what I did was to get what we did not need and so I sold the automobile and now we bike everywhere my boy sits on the back and we chat on the way to school it's pretty cool
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11. |
South Dakota Lady
03:46
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I heard her say on the radio I want heartland values extended to all and after the fall of the secular state the stars all aligned in the perfect place and she got her way her’s was a cause celebre amongst those who never make mistakes in bed Devona never saw the morality play it was hard enough to get to her job each day she bused an hour to a quickie mart gig the neighbor kept a lazy eye on her four kids the dads of whom were not exactly kicking down still she gave it up for them when they came around kid number five she knew she couldn’t have but heartland values said too fucking bad pro life pro death penalty interesting philosophy morality can be so cruel yeah they’ll put you on a pedestal then kick it out from under you yeah so this overzealous South Dakota Lady flew Pierre to Colorado Springs she went to receive an award of commendation from a mega mega mega mega church congregation we thank thee for fighting for life’s sanctity in your honor we planted a red delicious tree yeah so the unwanted kid had it bad born with a habit never could kick it twenty three years of sordid details don’t merit repeating but the last one does because he was fixin’ for his latest fix when he hit up the grocery she was there fresh from the ceremony cap in clerk cap in her cap in cash register the clerk dies she survives he get’s apprehended and she testifies she says yeah I was there and I saw what he did and I want to see the motherfucker executed oh such harsh words from a heartland wife hell bent on protecting the sanctity of life yeah well she gets her wish and sits in front of Devona whose offspring she legislated into being and with the flick of a switch and an agonized shout she gets to see the sanctity of life snuffed out pro life pro death penalty interesting philosophy morality can be so cruel they’ll put you on a pedestal then kick it out from under you
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12. |
The Drinky Drink
02:58
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I love the drinky drink
The drinky drink makes my mouthy mouth water the drinky drink makes my heady head pound harder but only when I’ve had too much drinky drink then I start to think that I don’t want no more drinky drink but my brain says it’ll make me feel better so let’s have another drinky drink together the drinky drink
I love the drinky drink
Every day I sit and thinky think about my drinky drink what’s it gonna be tonight's drinky drink for me my drinky drink will probably be fermented grape juice I’ve got a hundred gallons sitting in my bedroom or maybe Tyler Jones will send me the growler of his darth delirium the gold medal winner the drinky drink
I love the drinky drink
I shudder to think what I would do without my drinky drink if I was in a fundamentalist country my head would be chopped off by now my grandpa’s brandy still still might come in handy still if them political fanaticals renew prohibition I’ll be moonshining my drinky drink
I love the drinky drink
Every time I drink the drinky drink it makes me want to sing songs and then I have a little smoky smoke and get a craving for ding dongs I like to have the drinky drink each night with my dinner and just for that the church across the street they're telling me I'm a sinner because i love that drinky drink
I love the drinky drink
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Derek Senn San Luis Obispo, California
I learned how to play guitar late in life. Then I decided to write songs and record them. For years I worked in the lo-fi tradition of home recording, which means I basically did everything myself & all songs were certified 100% free range, non-GMO, free trade, sustainably recorded organic. YUM! But now I record in proper studios and the music tastes even better! ... more
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