1. |
Quarantine
02:21
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quarantine was fun at first we had the day off from work
Ten days in it ain’t so grand I’m a non-essential businessman
In quarantine I’ll lose my shirt cuz it’s against the law to work
I wish it could be over sooner the kids are home there goes the nooner
quarantine my hands have never been so clean
I’m trying to adapt to emerge intact
so I’m riding my bike in the living room
teaching my tykes how to zoom on zoom
I used to mock the doomsday prepper for hoarding toilet paper
well we ran out today so the bathroom sink is now a bidet
and little by little day by day my better half is going gray
she was a platinum blonde but her salon shut
and the president has made it known
If he gets his wish by Easter we’ll be in the pews
I think I just became an atheist
quarantine my hands have never been so clean
I’m trying to adapt to emerge intact
so I’m riding my bike in the living room
while my two tykes go to school on zoom
Stationary biking virtual school not to my liking not cool
quarantine was fun at first
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2. |
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you can unemploy me deny my PPP
shut down the slaughterhouse I’ll go without steak
but don’t shut down my surf break
you can close the prisons set the inmates free
shutter all the bakeries outlaw cake
but don’t shut down my surf break
you can enact draconian measures
and I’ll forego most of life’s pleasures
I’ll take a vow of abstinence I won’t drink beer
proclamations my wife will be happy to hear
you can close the city pool and my kids grammar school
you can do away with the handshake
but don’t shut down my surf break
if you shut the town down and the university
and the British pub then for fuck’s sake
don’t shut down me surf break
you can enact draconian measures
and I’ll forego most of life’s pleasures
I’ll even go without me pint but for fuck’s sake
don’t shut down me surf break
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3. |
Viruses Get Viruses
02:23
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we get viruses and bees get viruses and trees get viruses and viruses get viruses
and rats get viruses and bats get viruses and cats get viruses and viruses get viruses
a virus needs a host the host with the most
it invades the host it tells the host
you are now a virus factory
make more and more and more and more and more and more of me
but we have an army an immunity army
searching for viruses to vanquish
and they come across infected cells and launch a war
that’s what antibody ammunition is for
and a fever ensues as the battle heats up
and sometimes the virus is vanquished
but sometimes the army gets bad intel
and attacks a perfectly healthy cell
and if you pass a virus to a passerby
it may degenerate their alveoli
so stifle that sneeze and cover that wheeze
and you may yet get to turn ten in chucky cheese
but it’s time consuming to design a vaccine
and test its merits on a multitude of ferrets
and when they make it should you refuse to take it
if I see you in the ICU
would it be uncouth of me if I reminded you
of a preventative measure you opted to eschew
cuz we get viruses and bees get viruses and trees get viruses and viruses get viruses
and rats get viruses and bats get viruses and gnats get viruses and viruses get viruses
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4. |
Zeitgeist
02:30
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help me understand the zeitgeist I want to know about your life
who do you want for president I want to hear your two cents
well I was in the army from 18 to 30 a prison guard from 31 to 49
and I believe in self-determination small government and fighting crime
and I hate the welfare state hence the trump pence sign on my fence
and here’s my two cents on my blue state cousin
she’s an activist socialist do nothin’
fair trade single origin queer living in Portland Oregon
she’s a sandinista barista I wish I could be bigger but she’s so fun to trigger
she’s all in for bernie what’s her two cents about me
well we go to a lake in the U.P. our whole damn family
and he loves his kid his kid rock his kid rock is pure schlock
he wears camo he brings ammo he packs heat he eats wheat
he’s judgy he’s pudgy he never shuts up
he gets fucked up and then he blows shit up
and I don’t get his politics he votes against his interests
I tried to change his mind I tried to change her mind
I hit a brick wall I hit a brick wall
And come this fall we’re both gonna vote
And come this fall only one of us is gonna get to gloat
Yeah come this fall we’re both gonna vote
And come this fall only one of us is gonna get to gloat
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5. |
The Big Five-0
03:55
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my colonoscopy is in the books I worry worry is wrinkling my looks
the hair on my head has relocated south to my back my nutsack
my worldview is pinprick myopic who’s gonna play me in my biopic
a handsome heartthrob hottie let’s get real call giamatti
hey ho here we go do-si-do it’s the big 50 hey ho do-si-do here we go
at a relative’s funeral rite another relative and I we got into a fight
I reached out once I reached out twice to no avail to try to break the ice
turns out the ice is pretty damn thick I drove my two ton truck on top of it
to measure its thickness I pulled out an auger
I bored four feet before I hit water
guess I’m gonna have to wait for the thaw
maybe after that she’ll give me a call
hey ho here we go do-si-do it’s the big 50 hey ho do-si-do here we go
my son went off to school far away he left as a he came back as a they
not much has changed since he became a they
they still sleep their whole day away
they say I’m not woke but I wake with the sun
they sleep ‘til three and they’re the woke one
anyway that was quite a day
when my son came home and told me he was they
hey ho here we go do-si-do it’s the big 50 hey ho do-si-do here we go
I’m trying to be a healthier man I gave up meat alcohol and
pretty much everything that brings me joy
what’s for dinner oh boy more soy
since I‘ve sworn off everything fun
I think I’m gonna buy a semiautomatic gun
take it to the desert and just let it fly execute watermelon and cacti
I should do yoga but no can do I hear it turns you into a Hindu
If your karmas good no need to worry
If your karmas bad you’re reborn furry
hey ho here we go do-si-do it’s the big 50 hey ho do-si-do here we go
at 20 I pledged by 50 I’d visit every country on the map
at 50 I’m wondering why the younger me set a high bar like that
I had hoped my career would take me to exotic places far and wide
my career took me here to this ergonomic chair where
my computer resides
but I’m lucky in love modest in money
I’m lucky in location location location
lucky with kids hit and miss with pets
piss poor luck with stock market bets
what should I do for my mid-life crisis sex tourism don’t forget the jism
jump from a plane pull the parachute cord
trip on ayahuasca with a shaman in the Amazon
hey ho here we go do-si-do it’s the big 50 hey ho do-si-do here we go
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6. |
Big In Britain
01:52
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I’m big in Britain that’s where my music’s hittin’
they seem to be fond of my stuff across the pond
they like my americana more than the americanos
like my americana I’m big in Britain
LA to heathrow then I’m off to my first show
way up there in Glasgow for the glaswegians
after Glasgow I go to the Edinburgh show
next night I scream hello Aberdeen
I backtrack to Gloucester who put this tour together
me myself and I the do it yourself guy
why am I here the statistics are clear
most of my listens originate in Britain
yeah I’m big in Britain that’s where my music’s hittin’
they seem to be fond of my stuff across the pond
they like my americana more than the americanos
like my americana I’m big in Britain
the Glasgow show was sparsely attended
the Edinburgh show sparsely attended
the Aberdeen show was packed to the gills a dozen people filled the little pub I played
I changed trains in Manchester passed through Worcester
on the way to Gloucester Man Wor Gloucester
slightly south of Liverpool lay the town of Chester
Chester never got a suffix a suffix or a prefix
a suffix like Chesterfield a prefix like Dorchester or Worcester
poor Chester
I’m big in Britain that’s where my music’s hittin’
they seem to be fond of my stuff across the pond
they like my americana more than the americanos
Like my americana
I’m big in Britain
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7. |
Addis Ababa
02:40
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I live in Addis Ababa I drive a taxi cab
I drink nescafe the cream goes to the USA
I was a conscript for the Eritrea war
I laid mines down people still step on 'em now
it was a nil-nil war a nil-nil war
now I just try to get by
I'm in a bar band in Cleveland
Saturdays I play bass weekdays I'm a teller at Chase
just before my boy was born I deployed for the war
I saw gore I lost brothers and my wife to her lover
I was a romantic before so romantic
now I just try to get by
when heads of state cast that die
guess who does their bidding
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8. |
Trickle Down To Thee
04:28
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I’m reading a novel next to my girl
while a novel virus menaces the world
we’re laying low in our bungalow hoping the contagion slows
my mom is back in Ohio I want to but I can’t go
she made an able bodied man and she could use a hand
and some are crying tyranny a deep state conspiracy
they say this is overblown people are dying alone
and I’m in need of some religion
and since there ain’t no church this weekend
I think I’m gonna build a shrine to the late great John Prine
and some might peg me for a pagan
some people worship Ronald Reagan
trickle down economy trickle trickle down to thee
and I’ve been making bread and such
with the only person I’m allowed to touch
I’m into her and thankfully she’s still putting up with me
and I’m reading a novel next to that girl
while a novel virus mutates the world
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9. |
Beater Blue
03:32
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over the pond on foreign exchange when you’re a stranger people are strange
she took a liking to croissants living in Aix en Provence
back in Chico California she lay on a three legged couch
she used a tombstone to level it out
wow’s about the last frontier it feels like we’re stagnating here
so she went with her boyfriend all the way to Valdez they went far
in a beater blue Japanese car
they pitched a tent that summer and camped and worked at the processing plant
they hunkered down in Juneau for the winter
they chose it on a lark that winter got dark
they said goodbye come springtime but the both stayed in Alaska
in Anchorage she met a lover she became a wife she became a mother
he became a bush pilot one day practicing a stall
he never made it out of the free fall
the news hit her like a ton of lead little vignettes flooded her head
from the summer when they went far in a beater blue Japanese car
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10. |
Sequoia Tree
03:03
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I’m a sequoia tree they named a national park after me
we were alone for centuries me and the other trees
and then came the natives and native huts
and then the white man and the clear cuts
and then the congressional decree naming a park after me
and then the sequoia SUV with built in DVD
now they drive sequoias to see the sequoia tree
yeah I’m a sequoia tree you named a car and a park after me
thanks but I miss the native folk the native folk they were way more woke
now man visits nature and brings a generator
and watches tv in the rv beneath the sequoia tree
well I’ve got a few rings I’ve survived a few things
we shall see if I can weather the age of man
because I’m a commodity a tourist oddity
they pay an entrance fee and watch news in the rv
partisan bickering petty dickering
slandering gerrymandering mud-slinging right and left-winging
and if polite society fails and the park ranger bails
they’ll kill me and mill me they’ll fell me and sell me
and mother earth will be just fine if I go to that great sawmill in the sky
but I am a bellwether for whether man can hold it together
In the age of man versus man
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11. |
Texas Legislators
03:41
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Texas legislators white christian men
get voted into office and pass legislation
so let me get this SB8 straight if you ejaculate in the lone star state
and impregnate your tinder date and your tinder date sets a date to terminate
you’re allowed to sue the taxi driver who took your hookup to the medical clinic
you get to extort those who help her abort
I don’t know sounds like more malarkey from the patriarchy
it bears repeating so I’ll say it again if these sanctimonious dudes were women
with uterine walls and menstrual cramps
I think we’d see more reproductive rights champs
but they’re dudes and being a dude is great
dudes don’t have to menstruate but dudes get to legislate
what you the woman can and can’t do once the legislature ejaculates in you
Texas legislators sanctimonious men they get voted into office and pass legislation
I’m a fan of a good flowchart let’s start first thing do you have a vagine
yes or no no then shut up yes then progress to the next thing
next thing are you opining about your own vagine
yes or no no then shut up
if it’s a yes feel free to express anything about your own vagine
Texas legislators sanctimonious men
do you have a vagine it’s a simple yes or no question
it’s rhetorical too I know the answer and so do you
and the answer is no so shut the fuck up
Texas legislators
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12. |
The Vasectomy Waltz
03:02
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balls blue and sutured prone on the duvet
I’m freshly neutered and I’m trying to find a way
to while away a friday in May prone alone on the bed
and my head don’t know what to do when the rest of my body can’t move
balls blue and sutured
two rug rats is plenty so this factory is closing
and I lost the coin toss nurse prep the scrotum
and the valium it will make you numb to the jewel heist
right under the surgical lights
line up a getaway car max out your library card
balls blue and sutured
maybe I should partake in some homegrown and doze off to Fela Kuti
and dream of a day drifting in the doldrums
The new neutered me and hella booty
but with my balls blue and sutured it pains me to think that way
baby I bought you a burqa please put it on and don’t take it off
until I receive clearance to fire away
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13. |
I Won't Curse
03:15
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I won’t curse the sunrise if you wake with the kids
I won’t curse the sunrise if you wake with the kids
let me sleep until I want to get up
let me sleep until I want to get up
I can’t recall the last time I had a good night’s sleep
I can’t recall the last time I had a good night’s sleep
I won’t curse the sunrise if you wake with the kids
I won’t curse the sunrise if you wake with the kids
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14. |
Use Me
04:19
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Music and Lyrics by Bill Withers
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Derek Senn San Luis Obispo, California
I learned how to play guitar late in life. Then I decided to write songs and record them. For years I worked in the lo-fi tradition of home recording, which means I basically did everything myself & all songs were certified 100% free range, non-GMO, free trade, sustainably recorded organic. YUM! But now I record in proper studios and the music tastes even better! ... more
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